Twinkle has a lot of synonyms; gleam, glow, illuminate, shimmer etc. but what about its antonyms?
Dull would ideally describe my current employment; I keep asking myself how I ended up here; how have I ended up working in IT? I still don’t really know.
I don’t have a passion for IT, I don’t wake of a morning full of gusto for my day ahead. Many mornings I’d quite like to turn my alarm off and turn over. I don’t read any IT magazines, I don’t get excited about SQL or Active Directory.
I studied Internation Relations, Politics & Philosophy at University, when I left I took the first (real) job I was offered in Telecoms and somewhere down the line I’ve ended up in IT.
This proverb literally means you cannot keep your cake and eat it too; it really is one or the other.
I’ve realised recently that this is what I have been trying to do. While I was still living at home I was never the tidiest person, I always thought to myself that when I moved out I’d miraculously change and I’d become a domestic goddess; that my life would suddenly become like something out of a disney film and nearby animals would flock to my assistance and I would whistle while I worked.
That’s not what happened.
I moved out over two years ago and I’m still as messy. Now I just want to clarify I’m not unclean my home isn’t worthy of a hazmat suit & quarantine, but I am an unwitting fan of a floordrobe, my kitchen table becomes a dumping ground for my make-up, my handbag and other bits and I may have a few empty shampoo bottles in the bathroom just because.
At home it was always my mum who curbed my untidy habits. But now I’ve moved out and in with my boyfriend it’s him who clears away after me. I’ve noticed I moan at him a lot for not necessarily being forthcoming with saying how he feels but I’ve only recently realised that he shows his love in a different way. He shows me how he feels by doing my washing, by cleaning up after me in the kitchen and just generally looking after me.
I’ve somehow managed to have my cake and keep it too, but I think enough is enough.
When did our greed eclipse our humanity?
I believe it came with the invention of money, only then were we really able to hoard anything of perceived value.
I’m not talking about our bodies reaction to being cold. I’m talking about our emotional response to stimuli. Like the tremor we get when we hear a good piece of music or the goose bumps we get when we watch a particularly moving scene in a film.
For me I always get that feeling when I watch Finding Nemo not only the opening music but one particular scene always gets me; when Nigel is telling Nemo and the rest of the tank fish about Marlin’s journey across the ocean to find his son. Emotion seems to catch in my chest and make it feel heavy yet at the same time elated.
More recently I experienced a different kind of shiver. Over the British bank holiday weekend I travelled to Nice in the South of France. Walking along the promenade I saw it. The memorial for those killed in the Bastille Day Massacre. It wasn’t just seeing the candles and the flowers it was the teddy bears that had been put out to mourn the children who had also suffered a terrible fate that night.
Actually standing in the exact spot where something so horrific happened was harrowing. It’s hard to find any words to describe the feeling of being there. My heart goes out to those who were there that night and to those who lost relatives and friends.
I couldn’t take pictures of the scene, for me it just didn’t feel appropriate.
I had the same feeling when visiting Ground Zero in Manhattan. The silence that filed
the area nothing can describe it. Of this I did capture a few images; around the infinity pools the names of those that lost their lives were engraved. In some of these names a single white rose would reside.
I just remember the shiver that overcame me when the magnitude of these two atrocities hit me. The tears I shed for people I’ll never know. It’s hard to comprehend.
Growing up my dad always told me that as a ginger I was fiery by nature; this entails not only being a passionate person but being fierce and quick to temper. And I have recognised this as part of my personality all my life. When I choose to do something I give it my all; why bother doing something otherwise? I have also noticed the other side of my fiery nature; on occasion I can have a wicked tongue and I say things I inevitably regret.
However, the other week I had an encounter on my way home from work that tested by beliefs about myself. I got on my usual bus home,sat down and took out my phone. Like every other passenger I was minding my own business; checking through emails, surfing Facebook and looking to see if any interesting job listings had been posted that day.
As the bus began to pull off there was some commotion to my left. I stopped to observe a man hounding and poking another man, shouting in his face about what I do not know. My first assumption was the pair must have known each other. But as the antagonist of this situation turned and started to verbally abuse another passenger, once again leaning over so his face would meet hers, I realised this man was just looking for anyone to abuse. This time I did hear what was pouring out of his mouth. The victim on this occasion happened to be an older woman of the Asia/Pacific region, she was happily chatting to a younger lady and their conversation was not impacting anyone on the bus. However, this man thought otherwise and he started to racially abuse this woman, telling her ‘how dare she be up in his country speaking her own language’. The woman paid no attention to him and he lost interest, but she didn’t continue her conversation.
The next person to get this man’s attention was me. I thought great, I’ll give him a piece of my mind, how dare he stand and shout racial abuse at an old lady. But as he opened his mouth and started bullying me in a way I had not experienced since school I froze. No quick witted, volatile responses came to me. And his abuse just kept coming, this man that I had never met and didn’t know me from Adam was hurling abuse at me in front everyone on this crowded bus and I was shrivelling away.
I ended up putting my headphones in and ignoring him but I could feel this rush of emotion coming and it took everything in me to stop myself from crying.
Eventually he lost his interest with me and he moved on. When we got to the next stop the driver shut the engine off but he didn’t move. The man kept toying with the idea of getting off but clearly he couldn’t resist bullying a few more people before his departure. A girl intervened. She started to scream at him and she continued to berate him until he got off the bus. Why couldn’t I do that? Where was my confidence to stand up for myself?
When I got in that evening I cried; my fiery nature had failed me.
Human Rights – it’s obvious right? Many governments conductive to the human rights act as they believe they and the citizens of their country have human rights; such as the right to defend themselves in court, the right not to be tortured or treated inhumanely. So why then am I reading reports that Theresa May’s government is going to scrap the human rights act? Why do we need to make our own?
24 on the 24th. Only time it’ll ever happen.
It’s been a wonderful day and there’s still more to do!